The Ethicist: "My Parents Paid for My Education — Does That Mean I Need to Take a Soul-Crushing Job?'
Thanks to the full financial support of my parents, I
recently graduated from an expensive private college in the Northeast with no
student debt. After graduation I secured a salaried job with benefits at a
large publishing house. I found the work thoroughly soul-crushing, so I quit
and began working a number of minimum-wage jobs that do not set me up for any
sort of “future.” While I enjoy my current lifestyle, I fear I might be
violating an obligation to my parents, since my college degree is irrelevant to
these jobs. Do I have an ethical duty to find a better job even if I’m unhappy
with the work? NAME WITHHELD, BOSTON
Every family is unique, so it’s difficult to place this
kind of problem into a clear context. If you directly asked your parents to
finance your college experience with the explicit intention of pursuing a
specific career, that would be like a contract; if your parents’ willingness to
pay your tuition has been dependent on your willingness to pursue the best
possible job it afforded, you would have essentially agreed to a familial form
of indentured servitude. But in all likelihood, the real situation is not that
straightforward. Your parents probably paid for your education because they
could afford it (and felt it was their responsibility). You probably accepted
their support because it seemed like the obvious thing to do (and because you
were broke). Your current predicament wasn’t really considered by either party,
despite how common an occurrence it now seems to be.
Your parents have a moral burden here as well: They can’t
demand that you take a job that makes you hate yourself simply because they
spent money in order to put you in that position. They’re not venture
capitalists, and you’re not an investment opportunity. That said, there’s a
reason work is called “work” (as opposed to “wall-to-wall awesomeness”). I
strongly suspect your soul-crushing publishing job might have seemed
significantly less soul-crushing if you were also receiving the soul-crushing
bills that accompany soul-crushing student loans.
Still, you are not ethically obligated to live your life
in a way you dislike just because someone else willingly subsidized the means
by which you achieved that unhappiness. You might feel a personal obligation to
do so, out of respect for your parents. But there is no ethical framework that
requires you to be miserable as repayment for their investment in your future.
Moreover, the purpose of college is not solely to get a high-paying job when
you’re finished. If the experience made you a more complete person, it wasn’t a
(total) waste of their money. Link
My Response:
This post on the Ethicist
discusses the extent of a person's obligation to pay back their parents
for the money spent on their college education and if there is a duty to pursue
a career based on the degree earned from your parents money, even if it is
soul-crushing. The anonymous writer to the Ethicist has recently graduated
from college with no student debt, started a good job but then realized
that they hated it. Feeling guilty and in debt to their parents, the graduate
then chose to work several smaller jobs of which had nothing to do with their
degree, but made them happy. The Ethicist comments that it really depends on
what the family situation is but that each person has a right to their
happiness and there is no ethical contract with your parents to get a job that
pertains to the degree they paid for.
The conflict that the anonymous writer struggles
with has to do with whether paying back their parents or get a soul-crushing
job to follow their degree is an ethical or a moral obligation. While ethics is
the study of right and wrong and your moral are your personal practice of
ethics, we get the sense that this is a moral dilemma because society has no
rule set in stone that an offspring must pay back their parents for their
education. The Ethicist makes a comment that the college graduate might choose
to follow the soul-crushing job pertaining to their degree out of respect for
their parents, but that is a choice based on your moral up-bringing of what one
believes is right and wrong. It then becomes a topic of debate of to what
extent is it your duty to do what you morally believe is right even if it takes
away your personal happiness? If this was a signed and agreed upon contract
that the offspring, going into university, would either have to pay their
parents back or get a job that follows the degree the parents paid for, then it
is someone's duty, ethically, to respect and follow that contract. However, I
don't think that there is a duty to keep a soul-crushing job because as a US
citizen, this person has the right to pursue happiness, and before this
situation occurred the family did not agree upon what would be done if this
happened.
I agree with the Ethicist
that there is no obligation ethically to pay back their parents or get a job
that coincides with what they studied however, a discussion about if the value
of the education the parents paid for was worth the money, regardless of the
job, or, if they parents feel so inclined to ask for the money back. More
information would need to be known about the family’s financial background and
the parents’ ideas of what their offspring should do with the college degree
they paid for. Of course, at this point, without a contract, the graduate is
not legally obligated to pay their parents back or put their happiness in jeopardy
with a soul-crushing job. However, if he/she cares about maintaining a peaceful
relationship with their parents, the graduate may want to have an open
discussion about what would be best, in order to satisfy their moral conflict
and any guilt their feeling.
Word Count: 553
I believe the nature of the relationship between the parents and the graduate could have been explored more by both the Ethicist and you. I realize it seems a little bit off-topic and like a stretch, but it might have benefitted the response to analyze the familial relationship in this particular situation. Does the emotional bond and comfort one has with their parents affect how they would approach this situation? This is relatively unknowable form the excerpt, though. I just think it would be an interesting point to consider.
ReplyDeleteI would probably have taken a different route. There is a lot of legality discussed and legal obligation (you even cited the Declaration of Independence), but I would assume that asking the parents directly, influences from outside of the family aside, would give the asker a more complete perspective. Perhaps I have a bias, as I like to advocate direct speaking, but I feel like taking to his/her parents about how they feel toward his/her job would allow her to overcome tho question. It would, however, potentially lead to a second question: should I do what my parents say? And once again, legality might come it. A college graduate is very likely to be over 21 and, therefore, a completely legal adult, responsible for their choices. Should s/he still obey his/her parents' demands?
Language really comes into this discussion as well. Perhaps referring to the job as "soul-crushing" might be overdoing the dramatic property of the description of the job, making it seem inconceivable to make the graduate go back to said job. Perhaps the use of another word might have made the discussion more objective within reason.